Caved and Confused/Transcript
[At night in the living room of Sydney's house, there are Sydney, Olive, Emma, and Sophia, all of them are sitting on the sofa texting with their phones.] Sydney: Did everyone vote for Best New Artist? The Teen Pics Awards are the most important thing we'll vote for in our lives. (TV playing indistincly) [They continue texting.] Olive: I texted so many votes for Ricky Angelo, my thumbs are cramping. Not a problem. her phone with her nose [Max comes on.] Max: Hey, girls. Wassup? Ooh, the Teen Pics Awards are on. [He sits on the couch between Sydney and Olive, making them uncomfortable.] Max: Biggest night of the year, am I right? (remote clicks) Max: Sydney Why'd you pause it? Don't you wanna see if Ricky Angelo wins Best New Artist? He's got that "Concrete Rain" song everybody loves. singing Concrete Rain. Sydney: Uh, Dad, you might wanna take that show on tour. First stop, the kitchen. Max: Oh, right. Message received. You girls have fun. up from the couch and goes to the kitchen. (TV playing indistincly) Sydney: Sorry about my dad. He can be a little bit-- [Max comes back.] Max: singing Snack refill. Sydney: Dad, what happened to "message received"? Max: Oh, I thought the message was to get you more chips. Sydney: Why would I have coded that message? Max: You want me to stay in the kitchen. Got it. singing Loud and clear. (TV playing indistinctly) Olive: Shh! They're about to announce Best New Artist. Emma We're a little behind, so nobody look at their phones. Max: Ricky Angelo won! [They all look him] Max: 'What? [THEME] [''In the kitchen of Sydney's house.] '''Sydney: Dad, I've thinking about last night. Max: Before you say anything. I just want to apologize about that whole Ricky Angelo thing. Not cool. I mean, we all knew he was gonna win. He is Ricky. [Sydney sees him confused.] Max: But still, not cool. Sydney: Apology accepted. Max: Okay. Sydney: But, you know, I think it's time I have my own place to hang. What do you think about the basement. Max: All the way in the basement? But the living room is so much cozier. It's got the couch, the big TV, your favorite dad. Sydney: See, that's kinda the problem. Max: We can totally get a bigger couch. Sydney: Dad, don't get me wrong. We'll still have our time together. I just want it to be separate from my time with my friends. [Judy comes in.] Judy: Tell me about it. When me and my college crew roll through, you're all in my face, like, "Do you all want nachos?" and I'm like, "Dude, leave me alone". I mean, make nachos, but then beat it. to 1992 [In the basement, Max is sitting on a couch playing a video game and Judy does the laundry.] (laser zapping on TV) Young Max: Mom, do you have to do that now? I can't hear my game. (whirring) Judy: Oh, I'm sorry, when would be a good time for me to wash your clothes? Young Max: Maybe between 5:00 and 5:30. Judy: I was being sarcastic. Young Max: You know those confuse me. Judy: Can you at least pause your game and help me with the laundry? Young Max: Sorry. Can't pause. Judy: Oh. (zapping) (console beeps) Young Max: Mom! Judy: You can play again, between 5:00 and 5:30. [The scene cuts in the living room, where Max opens the door to Leo, who enters with a strange thing.] Young Max: Hey, Leo. What's that weird metal thing? Leo: It's a robot. The future is now, Max. the thing in the table Young Max: A robot? (monotonously) Don't they just beep and boop? Leo: Not this one. It destroys things. Young Max: Like what? Leo: Other robots. Young Max: I'm in. Leo: Robot rumbles are the hot new thing. At least according to Robot Rumble Magazine. Young Max: Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we add a hammer? Let's deal some damage. Leo: That's awesome. We can crush other people's robots and other people's dreams. back to present-day [Sydney and Olive go down the stairs to the basement.] Sydney: What do you think of yellow for the walls? It's a bold choice, but I think we can pull it off. Olive: I can't believe we're gonna have our own girl hang. [Sydney turns on the light.] Olive: Wow. I was picturing a place for girls to hang in, not a place where someone was hanged. Sydney: No wonder my grandma always said, (hoarsely): "Never go in the basement". comes in Max: Off! Pretty bad, huh? I wouldn't blame you if you changed your mind. You know, there's always plenty of room on the upstairs couch. Sydney: Well, there's also plenty of room on this couch. the couch (coughing) Max: Oh, hey, remember, Hot Shot Chef's on tonight. Sydney: Sorry, Dad, I can't. We're got a lot of work to do down here. Max: But, honey, that cooking show is our tradition. We haven't missed an episode in eight seasons. Sydney: Why don't you just record it and we'll watch it together tomorrow? Max: Okay, but I'm making sliders. leaves [Olive's going upstairs.] Sydney: Olive, where are you going? Olive: You heard the man. Sliders. [Sydney takes Olive's arm back down.] Sydney: Come on, Olive, all we have to do is clean out some boxes, the cobwebs, and whatever that big black blotch is. That's moving. (screaming) [They run away] to 1992 [Max and Leo are in the basement, two boys down the stairs.] Young Max: Yo, Bucky, Ray-Ray. What's good? Bucky: Not you, fool, at robot rumbles. I'm working on my trash talk. Was it good? Young Max: Not really. Bucky: I knew I couldn't pull it off. Young Max: Okay, let's rumble! [They control their robots, and they make them "fight."] Leo: Come on, Kevin. I named our robot "Kevin". [Leo and Max's robot beats the other robot.] Young Max: Yes. Leo: Yes! [Bucky and Ray-Ray's robot gets out of control, pushing a box, which makes the box that was on top fall to the floor.] (ornaments shatter) Young Max: Oh! My mom's Christmas ornaments. Do you think they're okay? [Leo picks up the box and shakes it.] (shards clinking) Leo: Looks like somebody just got on Santa's naughty list. Young Max: We cannot let my mom find out we're rumbling down here. She'll kill me! Judy: from upstairs Max, what's going on down there? Young Max: Nothing! Nothing at all! Bucky and Ray-Ray Be back in five. You let me handle her. [Max climbs the stairs to Judy who's carrying a basket of clothes.] Young Max: So, doing the laundry, huh? Judy: What gave it away? Young Max: (forced laughter) You're so funny, Mom. You know, I've been thinking, you work so hard. It's time I step up and start doing the laundry. Judy: Oh, Max, you already do so much around the house. Young Max: I do? Judy: No, I was being sarcastic. back to present-day [Sydney and Olive are cleaning the basement.] Sydney: Help me with this one, would ya? Olive: No problem. [They try to lift a box.] Olive: It's so heavy. I wonder what's in here. (grunts) (shattering) Sydney: Oh, just a bunch of broken stuff. Olive: Look at this place. We've barely made a dent. Sydney: Maybe my dad was right. (sighs) [They sit on the couch.] Sydney: It's just too much work. We're never gonna feel comfortable down here. (chuckles) Hey, why you tickling me? Olive: I'm not tickling you. [They get up off the couch quickly and they shake off.] Sydney: Gross! Olive: Ew! Sydney: Gross! Olive: Ew! [Judy goes down the stairs.] Judy: Whoa, this place is awful. Now you know why I always told you... (hoarsely) "Never go in the basement". [Sydney and Olive see her confused.] Judy: I'm not touching any of this. Sydney: Yeah, we were just about to give up, too. Judy: Who said anything about giving up? Just because I don't wanna fix this place up doesn't mean someone else can't. The struggle is real, ladies, but it doesn't have to be ours. Olive: Then whose will it be? Judy: It's time to call reinforcements... Good old Benjamin and Jackson. Olive: Is that a cleaning company? Judy: No! Those are dolla, dolla bills! I'm gonna pay someone to glam this place up. Sydney: Grandma, I cannot let you do that. Judy: I want to. Sydney: Okay. Judy: I'm doing this for all of us. I need a hang, too. Especially with my two favorite girls. Sydney: This is awesome! It'll be our girl cave. Judy: It's gonna take a lot of work. I'm exhausted just thinking about what other people have to do. on the old couch What is tickling me? (screams) [She gets up from the couch and runs up the stairs.] (screams) Judy: Ugh! (shrieking) [At night in the dining room of Sydney's house, Sydney is showing Don and Judy her plan for the basement.] Sydney: And for the selfie wall, I'm thinking all flowers. Do you think you can handle that, Don? Don: (sighs) Sydney. I know you only think of me as an industrial cleaner, but I also happen to be the fourth best handyman in Southeast Portland. Pardon my braggin'. [Max arrives.] Max: Don, what are you doing here? Don: Ask the boss. Max: Sydney, you're the boss? Sydney: You can call me Miss Reynolds. [Max looks at her confused.] Sydney: Or not. We're turning the basement into our girl cave. Max: Wow! Is that a refreshment station? Who's paying for all this stuff? Judy: Who's to stay? Max: Is it you? Judy: You cracked the case. [Sydney sits down and looks at the blueprints on the table.] Max: out the blueprints Wow. That looks like a great spot for a nice recliner for when I'm down there. Sydney: Oh, actually, that's where we're gonna put the fur-covered yoga ball. Judy: Trust me, it's important. Max: Okay, well, I will let you two carry on, because I've got a date with my daughter for Hot Shot Chef. Sydney: Oh, sorry, Dad, I can't. I made plans with Olive to go couch shopping. The old couch was... alive. Just keep recording them and we'll catch up later. Max: But we're gonna catch up in time for the finale, right? Sydney: Of course. I promise. Max: away Okay, well, uh... I looks like you guys have this under control, so, keep up the good work. But if you have any questions I'll be right out there. On the big couch. [They don't pay attention to him.] Max: Okay. to 1992 [In the basement, Max is doing laundry and Leo is ironing clothes.] Young Max: Leo. What are you doing? My mom didn't tell us to iron anything. Leo: We either do it right, or we do not do it at all. Bucky: Are we gonna rumble or what? Young Max: Chillax. I gotta do laundry to keep my mom from coming down here. Judy: from the top floor What's keeping that laundry? I'm out of bras! Young Max: That's what that is? Ugh! back to present-day [Max is sitting on the couch writing.] Judy: What are those sketches? Max: Thinking of turning the garage into a dude den. Judy: Seriously, Max? You're building a dude den? Max: Yes... Maybe? No, I'm just bored. Syd and I are supposed to be catching up on Hot Shot Chef right now, but she bailed on me again. Judy: Why don't you just watch it without her? Max: I can't do that. It's our tradition. That would be like Arbor Day without... the arbor? Judy: I don't even get why you two like watching that show. Most of the time, you're just yelling at the contestants and calling them boneheads. Max: Snarking is the best part. We snack and snark. Snark and snack. But more importantly, we do it together. Judy: I hate to tell you, Max, but as Syd gets older, you're just gonna have to get used to flying solo. Max: I don't wanna fly solo. This pilot needs a copilot. I feel like I'm losing mine. Judy: I know it isn't easy. I mean, it was easier for me because you were... you. But it's just part of being a parent. Max: You're right. She's growing up and I gotta learn to let go. Judy: I get it. I mean, how do you think I felt the day you moved out and went to college? I threw myself on your bed and cried for hours. Max: Really? Judy: No, I was being sarcastic!! to 1992 [Max comes down the stairs.] Young Max: Okay, fluffed, folded, and delivered. Now let's see what these mean machines can do. Leo: Let's rumble! Judy: from the top floor Laundry in the hole! [Clothes fall into the laundry basket.] Young Max: Holy schnikes! Bucky: Oh, no. You guys gotta do more laundry? Young Max: It would go faster if you guys helped. Bucky: But you promised we'd rumble. Leo: Sorry, Bucky, we gotta tumble before we rumble. back to present-day [In the basement are Sydney, Judy, Olive and Don. Sydney, Judy and Olive cover their eyes with their hands.] Don: Ladies, welcome to your brand-new girl cave. (screaming excitedly) [Don takes off the earplugs he was wearing.] Judy: You were wearing earplugs? Don: Not my first cave. Sydney: the place Oh my... Wow! Just... Wow, this is so... Wow! Don: I wish I got paid by the wow. Sydney: Olive Check out the selfie wall. Olive: This place is even cooler than I imagined! [Judy's using a yoga ball.] Judy: And this furry ball is even cooler than I imagined. (camera clicks) Sydney: Look at that. (gasps) Sydney / Olive: Refreshment station! go over there. [Max comes in.] Max: Holy schnickes! [He goes down the stairs.] Max: Look at this place. Swings. A flat screen. Whatever that is. Sydney Man, you're never gonna wanna come upstairs again. Sydney: I know, right? Isn't it awesome? Max: Yeah. Awesome. Sydney: Dad, can I have some friends over tonight? It can be a cave warming. Olive: That's a great idea. And we could watch that Ricky Angelo musical Doo-Wop Days. Sydney: Oh, we could dress up like they did in the '50s. Max: Uh, tonight's the finale of Hot Shot Chef. You promised you'd watch with me. Sydney: Oh, my gosh, I forgot. Well, just record it. We can watch it tomorrow. Max: Syd, it's a live event. You know what happens. The minute you leave the house, some guys runs up to you in jogging pants and tells you who won. It's happened. You can have your party tomorrow night. Sydney: Tomorrow night? This place will already be old. The flower wall might be dead by then. Don: Actually, they're fake... But they look pretty realistic, right? Judy: Not the time, Don. Sydney: Dad, what's the big deal? Max: What's the big deal? If we don't watch the finale, we won't watch next season, or the season after that, and before you know it, all the chefs will grow up, open up their own restaurants, and we'll never get to see them again. sees him confused. Max: But, fine. If you wanna have your party... go ahead. leaves Olive: Did you hear that? He's letting us have a party! (squeals) night [Sydney open the door, Sophia and Emmy come in.] Sydney: Hey, girls. You ready to Doo-Wop? Emmy: You know it. [They dance.] All: Ah! Olive: You girls ready to girl cave? Sophia: You know it! Sydney: Let's go. [Max comes in carrying plates with food.] Sydney: Whoa, are those for us? Max: No, I actually I made them for the Hot Shot Chef finale. I'm watching it solo. Sydney: Oh. Okay. That's cool. I'm glad you're watching it. I'm gonna go to the cave now. Judy: from the top floor Wait for me, Syd! down the stairs Sydney: Hey, Grandma, you look boss. Judy: Quit eyeballing this classy chassis and let's blow this pop stand. Sydney: Huh? Judy: Let's go downstairs. [Before going to the basement, Sydney turns around and sees her dad.] [Max is sitting on the couch watching TV.] (knock on door) Max: Hey, Don, what's going on? Don: Uh, final bill for your mom. Just make sure she's sitting down when she opens that. Just kiddin'. Kinda. Sorry, didn't realize you're having a party here. Max: Oh, that? No, I'm just watching the finale of a cooking show. Hey, do you wanna join me? Don: Uh, sorry, I mostly just watch shows where they fix up houses. Or hunt for ghosts. in But I do have to say that spread does look pretty tempting. Max: Have a seat. Don: What's this? Max: Fish skin crostini. Don: That was close. [The scene is cut to the basement, where Sydney, Olive, Emmy and Judy watch television.] Sydney: Oh, wow! Look how cute Ricky Angelo is in a leather jacket. Olive: You can just tell he's one of those bad boys who's actually a good boy, except when he's bad. Which is good! Emmy: I messaged him. If he blinks twice it means he loves me. Oh, he blinked twice! He loves me! Judy: Yeah, you're as good as engaged. Olive: This is perfect. We got our girl cave, our Doo-Wop Days, our Ricky Angelo. This is way better than sitting with your dad and watching people debone fish. Right, Syd? Sydney: Yeah, way better. [The scene is cut to Max and Don watching TV in the living room.] Don: I don't get this show at all. Is that guy making a candle? Who eats a candle? Max: It's not a candle. It's foie gras made to look like a candle. Don: Is that a remote or is that food made to look like a remote? Max: No, it's a remote. Don: Good. Can we change the channel? [He grabs the remote, but Max takes it off.] (doorbells rings) [Max opens the door.] Iggy: I got a pizza here for Sydney. Max: I'll tell her. Iggy: Whoa! You're that dude from that place, right? Max: Yes, Iggy, we met at the concert. Iggy: Oh, then I'm thinking of someone totally different. Max: Hey, Iggy, you're into food, right? Iggy: I love food. Pizza's my favorite. I also like mini pizzas, bagel pizzas, pizzas bites, calzones if you open 'em up. Max: Great. Then I think you'd like this cooking show I'm watching. Iggy: Are they making pizzas? television Whoa! They're making some right now! Max: Iggy, that's a commercial for the pizza place you work at. That's you in the commercial. Iggy: I knew that dude looked familiar. Max: Unbelievable. Rupert, you can't yell at a souffle and not expect it to fall. [Sydney comes in and stands next to the couch.] Sydney: Rupert made it to the finale? In the first episode, he lit his chest hair on fire. Sydney / Max: You bonehead! [Sydney gets the pizza Max had.] Sydney: Thanks. Well, the girls are probably waiting for this pizza. You and your new friends enjoy the show. leaves (TV playing indistinctly) [Max turns to see her for a moment.] (Don groans) Don: That reminds me, Max. I should probably be headin' out, too. I just remember... I don't want to be here. leaves Max: Oh, we can leave? That's great, because I have five more pizzas to deliver. I didn't wanna be rude. to 1992 Young Max: Pants comin' out. Leo: Pants getting ironed. Bucky: Bucky going home. I came here to rumble, not to fold laundry. Young Max: Don't worry, we're almost done. There's not one piece of clothing left in this house to wash. Judy: from the top floor. Drapes in the hole! [More clothes fall into the laundry basket.] Bucky: That's it. We're out. Young Max: What? Leo, can you believe them? You're going, too? Leo: Yup. I used to love ironing. Now you've ruined it for me. [Max follows them to the front door.] Young Max: Come on, guys. Leo? Leo: See you at school Monday. I left you a pair of khakis on the dryer. leaves Judy: Where are your friends going? Young Max: Uh.. Oh, them? They, uh, don't wanna hang here anymore. Judy: Oh, no. That doesn't mean your robot battles are over, does it? Young Max: What? You knew? Judy: I knew before you knew, that's how good I am. Young Max: Wait. So you just used me to do laundry all week? Judy: Yeah. You really thought I needed your baby clothes cleaned? Young Max: That's what those were. Whew. I thought I shrank all my stuff. Judy: It was a win-win. You finally helped me out with the laundry, and I got you back for hiding something from me. Young Max: That's not a win-win. Judy: It is for me-me. back to present-day [At the girl cave.] ('50 music playing on TV) Olive: Don't you love the way Ricky slicks back his hair? Emmy: Man, I wish I was Ricky's comb... Olive: Let's not make it weird, Emmy. Sophia: What I don't get is why Mandy's dad won't let her hang with the Purple Ladies. She just wants a little freedom. Sydney: Yeah, well maybe Mandy and her dad have a tradition that she regrets breaking. [They all stop and look at Sydney in confusion.] Sydney: Just spitballing. [They keep dancing, Sydney gets up and goes to Judy.] Sydney: Grandma? Judy: What's the matter, Noodle? Sydney: I really wanna watch Hot Shot Chef with Dad, but I don't wanna bail on my friends. Judy: Don't worry, Noodle. I got you covered. Sydney's forehead. Sydney, you are sick! I need you to go upstairs right now! Sydney: No, Grandma, I feel fine. But you know best. leaves Olive: TV Oh, my gosh, Ricky Angelo's taking off his leather jacket! (girls screaming) [The scene is cut to Sydney who goes up to the living room.] Sydney: So where is everyone? Max: Uh, they had to go, which is fine. They weren't into it. Sydney: sits Yeah, not everyone gets it. Huh. So Rupert's finally eliminated? Max: Yeah, you just can't cause two fires and expect to stay in the game. Sydney: Oh, so, Glenda's gonna use fish eggs as sprinkles on the trout ice cream? Didn't they do that in season two already? Max: Oh, yeah, season two... That was the season you lost your tooth on the avocado brittle we made. Sydney: Yeah, I wish I didn't swallow it. I had to leave a kernel of corn for the tooth fairy. [Max laughs.] Sydney: I miss watching this with you, Dad. Max: Me too, kiddo. But, hey, you're growing up, which means less time with Dad and more time with your friends, and I totally get that... Sydney: Yeah, but I should've thought more about your feelings. I didn't realize how much watching this together meant to you. Or to me. Max: Hug time? Sydney: Bring it in. Max: All right. Man: (on TV) It's Rupert! Rupert was the mistery chef all along. Max: Oh, no. Sydney: Rupert won? I thought he was disqualified! Max: This is why you can't miss a minute of this show! Sydney: And I never will. Man (on TV): ... Hot Shot Chef returns. [At the girl cave, they all are dancing] Sydney: I'm so glad I didn't miss the final dance number. Olive: I'm so glad Ricky and Mandy got together. What a roller coaster. Judy: The '50s rock. (gasps) Let's stay up all night and write to our boyfriends in the Navy! [They all see how Max dances.] Sydney: Wow, Dad. I didn't know you have those kind of dance moves. Olive: He's horrible. Sydney: I know, but so lovable. continue to dance. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts